For many years, if you googled for my name, the first few pages you would get were a mostly a large number of links to the alt.fan.pratchett version of The Hedgehog Song. For those who are not familiar with Pratchett, the Hedgehog song is sung by Nanny Ogg when she's drunk. The books themselves never provide more than a few lines.
I posted the below back in 1993, and from there it...grew. For years and years I would get extra verses sent to me. What was even more interesting was that the versions you would get if you googled would...morph. People would change it but not bother changing the attribution, leading to dozens of wildly different versions all nominally written by me. I found this fascinating, watching a game of "telephone" play out before me. You'll still find versions out there if you google.
Here, below, is the original post. The irony of the fact that I'm posting to alt.fan.pratchett and my .sig at the time had 4 exclamation points is only now hitting me. Hey, I was 18 at the time. And the irony was deliberate. Really.Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett Path: gmd.de!newsserver.jvnc.net!howland.reston.ans.net!noc.near.net!uunet!boulder!kinglear!crosby From: crosby@kinglear.cs.colorado.edu (Matthew Crosby) Subject: New version of hedgehog song Message-ID: <1993May12.192832.19952@colorado.edu> Sender: news@colorado.edu (The Daily Planet) Nntp-Posting-Host: kinglear.cs.colorado.edu Organization: University of Colorado at Boulder Date: Wed, 12 May 1993 19:28:32 GMT Lines: 55 Heres another version of the hedgehog song I dreamt up. It's crying out for extra verses, but it's a start.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now bestiality is a fun thing to do but I have to give this warning to you with most animals, you can have a ball but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. CHORUS: His prickles are far too sharp you see... they'll end up in the worst place that they can be The result I think you'll find will appall Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. Going with a horse can often be fun an elephant also; though he weighs half a ton Even a sparrow (though his hole is quite small) but the hedgehog can never be buggerred at all. CHORUS You can enjoy a cow while she goes moo-moo and a horse will really entertain you Even a tiger if you have enough gall but the hedgehog can never be buggerred at all. CHORUS A fish is nice, despite being wet and a cat or dog can be more than a pet even a giraffe (despite being so tall) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. CHORUS You can manage a snake, if he doesn't poison you It's amazing what you and a snake can do You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. CHORUS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have found that this version works very well when you are very drunk. Tune doesn't matter (and indeed is optional :-) I feel that this is kind of in Nannys style. (BTW, I know giraffe verse in the book is "if you stand on a stool", but this doesn't really rhyme. I've tried to insert all the other scraps Pterry has given us...if I missed any, let me know.) -- -Matt crosby@cs.colorado.edu Mere anarchy is loosed upon the net!!!!